An Honest Letter About CVXLive

I woke up this morning and had a really good cry. My kids were with their great-grandma and papa and my husband was at work, so the house was quiet and peaceful. At first I didn't know what the tears were for. I figured I was about to start my period and I was just having a crying fit. But after some meditation, I figured out why. One year ago today, I was working my butt off to get votes for the Next Big Creator contest hosted by CVXLive.

If you aren't aware of what that is or who they are, let me fill you in. CVXLive is a YouTube convention that is held in Utah each year and every year they hold a contest. This contest is called The Next Big Creator, formally called The Next Big YouTuber. To enter, you make a video telling them about yourself and your brand. After the entry date is closed, they pick the Top 100 (Who knows how they choose them!) and you are in the voting round. The voting round is called, "fan voting" and you have one week to get as many votes as possible to stay in the Top 20. From there the Top 20 goes into the "celebrity voting" round and they chose the Top 5 and than a winner, live at the convention.

Last year, I entered the contest for the third and final time. I get asked a lot, "Why is this your last year?", "Don't you want to try again?, "Why not enter since you still qualify?" and I will tell you. This contest is mentally and physically EXHAUSTING. For someone who is an introvert and doesn't step too far outside my comfort zone, this contest sure rockets me out there into the world.

The first year I entered, I didn't even make a video. I just chose a random video from my channel and hoped for the best. I didn't know what I was doing. I just hoped for the best. Surprisingly enough, I made it into the Top 20. I came in 19th place overall. It was such an amazing feeling. My face was on the big screen, I got to meet creators I looked up too and it inspired me to do more.

Click photo for Top 20 Announcement video!

Fast forward to the next year, I took my time to create a video that I was proud of.

This is the year that CVXLive decided to change the voting guidelines. They created categories that year that ranged from vlogging to gaming and a handful of others in between. At this time, I was lost with YouTube. I wasn't loving the vlogging side of my channel and wanted something more. I entered into the vlogging category (which I know now was a mistake!) because I didn't quite know who I was yet. The competition was fierce and they were only taking the Top 5 from each category. (So it was actually the Top 30!) That year I came in 7th place in the vlogging category but 8th overall in fan voting. That year CVXLive gifted the winners of the categories with trophies and other small prizes. (Remember that for later.)

Now for the hard part.

Last summer, I entered the contest for the final time. I made a video that I thought was borderline perfect. It told a story, it showed who I was and it was inspiring. I hired out help, I shot footage multiple days and I spent weeks self-editing to make it what I wanted. To say the least, I put my heart and soul into that video. I entered the contest and hoped for the best.

Luckily, I was chosen to be in the Top 100. Fan voting began and I put my nose down and got to work. I was constantly on my phone or talking to people. I had my family watch my girls a lot during this week so I could focus on being in the Top 5 of my category, which was now the education category!

I created flyers, I talked to people at local events, I shared constantly on social media. When I say I worked my butt off for this, I mean I WORKED. I was constantly doing something to get the votes I needed. I don't know why I wanted this win so much but I felt like I would get the validation I thought I needed. My family and friends saw how hard I was working and I am lucky enough to have them and their support. They helped share my story, they voted daily and had their friends vote too.

The fan voting ended and I knew I had made it. I was (sadly) addicted to checking my vote count but still had that feeling of, "what if". CVXLive posted a video showcasing the Top 20 and I was shook. I did it. My hard work paid off. I was in the Top 20 and I was #1 overall in fan voting. WHAT?!?! You can say that I happy danced for DAYS! I still couldn't believe it.

Click picture to see category finalist video!

Fast forward a few weeks to the convention. The time had come. Time to show everyone why I deserved to be the next big creator. During the two day convention, they had a few time slots for the contestants to share their story for the celebrity judges. First they got to know the Top 20 and their stories. From there, they chose their Top 5! Surprise, surprise. I was chosen as a finalist. I could not stop smiling. I was so proud of myself and really thought that the win was mine.

I went to bed that night so excited to wake up. I knew in my heart that my hard work paid off and I was going to win the grand prize. (Which was a scholarship to work with an amazing YouTube coach!) I got up and dressed in an outfit that I bought specifically for this day. You could say I had a little pep in my step. The day felt like it was going in slow motion until it came time to announce the winner.

They asked the Top 5 up on stage and they played a video to announce who won.

Drum roll, please.

It wasn't me.

I lost. Well, I came in 2nd. But still. I didn't win. Excuse me while I pick up the broken pieces of my heart off the floor. Luckily, I have an amazing group of friends who wrapped me in their arms and showed me the love I needed. They also thought I was going to win. They thought I had it in the bag. Their support and positive thinking is what kept me going.

But, now it was over. I lost to someone who wasn't even at the convention.

This is were the sketchiness of the convention comes in.

First red flag is that the winner was not in attendance of CVXLive and they were not disqualified. One of their channel producers stepped in and accepted the win. You should also know that the producer of winning channel is also an MC for CVXLive. The rules that were sent to us, from one of the head guys in charge, stated you had to be there. I had friends that came from Oregon to make sure they were there. I came from Idaho to make sure I was there.

Also, if you look at the picture above under "prizes" it states a cash price for category winners. After I lost, I reached out to one of the guys in charge just casually asking how to go about getting my prizes because I had won my category. He said to me (and others!) that, "Oh, well we aren't doing that anymore..." Um, what? You stated in your official rules, in your emails and on social media, that there would be prizes and now you aren't going to follow through...hmm.

A week after the convention, I decided to reach out because this was NOT okay.

So, first they don't follow their own rules for attendance and than they try to screw over the people who got them A LOT of free publicity?! I was in complete disbelief. Each year this convention has gotten worse and worse.

When I first went to CVXLive, I was inspired to do more. I felt like I found my place in the internet world, but they have been taken over by the popularity contest of it all. I feel like they aren't in it for the creators anymore. I believe they are there for the money and the "big acts" they can get to come. I have spoken with other kinda-big creators that are invited to come and some of them agree. Some of them had no idea what happens outside of their meet up groups and some other creators were being bullied while there. SERIOUSLY?!

It is time to come clean and be honest. Tell your story because I feel a lot better now that my story is out and if this ruins any relationship with them, I guess so be it. I would rather lose out than live a lie and support someone who doesn't really care.

I may not be the Next Big Creator to them, but I (and all of my friends!) still think I am.

xoxo, Hailey